Harbouring Homesickness

Homesickness sucks. It's a simple fact.
The thing is, you're aware, ahead of time, in some detached way, that you're going to be homesick, but you resolve you'll do everything to avoid it, blah, blah, blah. Ha. Well, what you will eventually find out is:

The brain may devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps o'er a cold decree.

Portia said that in Merchant of Venice (I'm studying it in school, it's kind of on my mind) and though in general I do not like the basic point of the play or the thinly veiled messages (it's so racist) I do appreciate some things that are said (and the technicality at the climax, wow) , and this is one of them.

The fact is, it's absolutely true when applied to homesickness. You firmly decide that you can handle the homesickness, but when it hits- it's a tsunami of emotions. You randomly burst into tears, you're moody, you're headachy, you're lethargic, you get nightmares, all sorts of crazy things happen.

And just when that unexpectedly deep wound is starting to heal, something- news from the old place, an old photo, anything- suddenly rips off the scab and the blood starts flowing again.

Oh wow. I've clearly been reading The Book Thief too obsessively, and now my imagery, aspiring to be like those fantastically vivid descriptions (it's incredible, seriously) that elegantly call ashes "burning snowflakes", is totally lapsing and comparing, rather tritely, emotional pain to physical pain.

Recently, I experienced a particularly violent attack of homesickness on a scale that was completely unanticipated. The detached part of my brain was like, Okay, yeah, I'll miss everyone, but I can deal with that! and then a bit later, the rest of me wakes up and starts going, NOOOOOO! I CAN'T DO THIS!, drowning out the detachedly logical part, which finally just gives up and watches the whole drama, wondering how many stars it would get on IMDB if it was condensed into a movie.

Stupid cynical logical part of my brain. Here I am howling over those earrings one of my best friends gave me, breaking down while trying to practice music, tossing and turning with nightmares I can't remember when I wake up, and you're contemplating a possible screenplay to turn this whole horrible experience into a movie?!
Granted, you might get a Filmfare for that- if they have a category for "Best Movie Showcasing Overemotional Stuff Based On A Teenager's Real-Life Experience".

When I was in the grip of the height of that terrible homesickness, I watched Pixar's recent movie, Inside Out. And I cried. Some people would've been impressed by the lessons, or Riley's very imaginatively depicted mind. I know there are rave reviews and all online. But I cried because I could completely, totally relate to how Riley was struggling with homesickness- although I wouldn't have attempted to run away- and it felt so good to know that what I'm going through happens and it's okay. Kind of like that time when you suddenly started getting acne as an adolescent and you were like, What is happening to my face? Am I going to grow tentacles? AM I AN ALIEN?! until people told you it's normal and no aspersions will be cast on your nativity to this planet, which is relieving until you remember that Yoda, Superman and Megamind are aliens, so maybe aliens aren't so bad.

Look, if you're homesick right now, I'm not saying, "Oh, it'll be fine, you'll get over it eventually."
I've been there, I've had people say that to me, and it doesn't help. It doesn't help to be told that you'll get over it, because- well, because it just doesn't. Maybe it's because we're steeped in self-pity and are kind of cool with wallowing in it for a while. Maybe it's because we feel guilty, as if we're betraying old friends and the old place by getting over homesickness. I don't know, I'm no Freud. All I know is that it sucks and you should try not to feel guilty for feeling homesick. Because when the homesickness is prolonged, like more than a couple of months, that's how you start feeling- guilty for not being able to settle in, and that is almost as bad as the homesickness itself. You have every right to be homesick. You have no right to be guilty about it.

I wrote this because I would've loved to read something like this a while ago, when I was going through it.
Try to see at least a few positives. Like a great view from the window. An interesting competition you can join. A good teacher.
Try to not go all Nico di Angelo- do not bottle everything up, because it will not come in handy while summoning the dead, unless you're a child of Hades. There will be at least one understanding person you can talk to, whether in your own family or someone new you just met.
Try not to give off an aura of aloofness.
Try to get some peace of mind that doesn't involve you joining a clique of kids who've just moved that functions on complaining about the lousiness of this new place (it will become incredibly boring if you have only that one, rather depressing, topic).

So remember that there are lots of people out there who understand what you're going through, who could tag you on FB about it with the caption #beentheredonethat #isupportyou #youcandothis, all sorts of cheery hashtags, but probably won't because they understand that you don't want your FB friends to know how you're feeling unless it's you telling the world in a carefully crafted status update complete with a sad-face selfie.

I would put a whole bunch of hashtags to end this post, but I'm not good at that, so I will leave it to the experts (plus it's a little bit clichéd).
So, to conclude- you're not alone. Everyone else in the world who's been homesick (and is not in denial about it) is wishing you luck.